sooo my life has been really fucked up this past year. i havnt been able to hold a job... no one likes me.. all the "talented artists" here ARNT cool at all.. well the ones that ive been.. they are all stuck up.. like if i met a girl back home with tats and peircings and crazy hair.. shes would usually be hella chill and cool.. but here they are all stuck up lil scene kids and are just lil the preppy stuck up bitches at home.. actually worse.. cuz at least SOME of the preppy girls back home are nice. WTF. and EVERYONE is an artist here.. NO ONE is special.. NO one has time to get to know one more artist... so i have no friends.. it also doesnt help that im with the most controlling person ive EVER met.. he was one of those preppy asshole that you hated in high school cuz they made fun of you... ugh.. i wish i had seen it when i first met him. he wont let me be friends with the people i want to be friends with.. cuz they are "wierd" i dont know why he didnt think i would hang out with "weirdoes" when he met me.. you know i DID have bright pink hair and peircings AND i WAS on my way to do acid.. WTF.. im not allowed to smoke weed.. cuz he doesnt get why anyone would want to be "depressed" i was alot happier when i was smoking weed than i am now... i hate my life. i hate him... soooo im leaving him.. he doesnt know it yet.. but im leaving seattle by the end of this month.. i have had more fun in one moment back home then i have had this ENTIRE time ive been here.... it sux... soooo im really excited to see all of my real friends when i get home... but i WILL have to warn ppl.. cuz the last thing i want is to see the "holy shit" face when they see me.. i have been severly depressed for over a year now... like im fading away inside myself.. i dont even remember who i am anymore.. hopefully being home helps... but im not allowed to have friends to i cant go anywhere so i sit at home all day and do nothing.. FOR OVER A YEAR.. ive gained like 50 lbs.. im fucking huge.. i absolutly hate it... but im sure as soon as im home and happy it will shed off fast... hopefully... anyways... im rambling now... just wanted to get some shit off my chest... LOL... shit off my chest.. opshh